More journal for me than info for anyone else

Well, I have decided that since I don't know any better anyway, that I am going to do this my way. This will be so much easier than hand writing all the parts of my journey.

(These pictures make me sad. )

So, in order to know how far I GET to from where I begin, I have to describe where I am now. 

• Have about 120 lbs to lose. I won't be sharing my weight or measurements here, but I DO have them written down.  
• I move around like a REALLY old woman because I am in so much pain. I have to hunch over in the morning as I roll out of bed until I can reach the dresser to use it to try to stand up. My back is excruciatingly painful all the time, but esp in the morning. 
• My knees hurt, exp my right one. I can't go up the stairs like a normal person. I have to use railings to pull myself up, stepping up with the left leg first usually, then the right leg up to the same step. There is no alternating steps for me.
• I can only walk about 5 minutes (at slow pace) before my hips hurt. I can get breathless just carrying groceries from the sidewalk about 30 feet to the picnic table for Kevin to take up the steps into the house. (A few trips back and forth, not just one)
• I'm too weak to carry much, but don't have that part measured. I just know I can't lift much.
• I am so exhausted that I can go to work, and then have to come home and SIT!! 
• I don't have the energy to clean house or go up and down the stairs to do laundry.
• The thought of cooking no longer interests me because of the energy it takes.
• I have insomnia and have to take off brand Nyquil every night to try to sleep. And that doesn't always help, but certainly better than nothing at all.
• I don't want to leave the house because the effort it takes to get in and out of the car. It hurts too bad. Getting ready to go out also requires too much.
• I would love to walk JayMe, but no energy.
• I DO love to exercise... but have I mentioned the pain and exhaustion??
• I hate the way I look. I always want to hide.
• Getting up off of furniture is an embarrassment.
• Imaging how I look when I move just breaks my heart.
• I can't see the floor because of my huge stomach.
• I can't really bend over properly because my stomach gets in the way.
• Even sitting is a problem since my stomach has to go SOMEWHERE.. like between my legs.
• I always look like I'm disinterested based on body language experts because I have to cross my arms just to keep them from hanging wildly at my side. I have to "hold" them together to be comfortable. The fat on the sides is the problem.
• And forget the freedom of amusement park rides or just walking with friends. Or just comfortably scooting into a booth or picnic table.
• Just lifting up my knee to get over a bench to sit down at picnic table is not possible.
• Renting a bike or one of those little car/bike things at Minnehaha falls is out of the question... but wouldn't that be fun?
• I have diarrhea about 60-70% of the time.
• I have serious brain fog and memory issues.
• Sinus trouble too. I have no idea how much my diet affects, so I"m trying to write EVERYTHING to then see if anything changes.
• Dry skin all over my body,
• Hair thinning and dry.
• Always hungry. Crave sweets and any flour based items.

What do I HOPE to be like in 3 months?

• Lose weight quickly. (45 lbs) Esp stomach. (lots)
• Be into my LESS fat clothes so my wardrobe increases just because I can wear what I already have.
• Lose inches. (lots)
• Reduce cravings.
• Less pain.
• Sleep more easily.
• Less fatigue.
• Be able to walk 30 minutes at a time during the maintenance phase after my first round of HCG. AT least 4 days a week. 
• Ride my stationery bike 4 days a week during the maintenance phase after my first round of HCG. Do it while watching TV.
• Use the exercise equipment in basement.
• Increased activities when I come home from work.. clean house, go places. 
• Walking Jayme every day.

What do I HOPE to be like in 6 months?

• Lose about 70 lbs total from beginning.
• Be into size 18 maybe? Not sure about that.
• Be able to walk stairs like normal person.
• Exercise 6 days a week including cardio and weights.
• Able to sit comfortably.
• Lose cravings.
• Skin not dry. Hair stronger.
• Sleeping soundly.
• Energy. 
• Able to hop in car to go someplace.
• Increased interest in outside activities.
• Breathing easier.
• Confident that I don't look like a moose moving.
• Just be able to get UP off of a chair or couch.
• Bending over to tie shoes or pick something up.
• Doing more, sitting less.
• Walking Jayme longer and further.
• Take a walking or biking  tour to see the leaves in the fall when they are at their best.